APRIL 2020


April 28th - 9:06 PM

It's been a few nights since I've stayed up long enough to see the sun rise, so I guess in many ways I'm doing "better." Still a loser and all, but the suicidal thoughts are no longer so Active.

I had a 32GB flash drive that was supposed to be for school, but since I dropped out I've used it to back up several years' worth of photos and creative endeavors, including the entirety of this site (which takes up suprisingly little space). I have both a love of using things as pendants that aren't actually jewelry and an extreme data hoarding problem (I would safeguard my drives with my LIFE), so I decided to keep it on a little string around my neck. #lookbook

Nothing else has happened except that today I told my family I was "going out for a drive," went and got McDonald's, then ate it at a secret location and had to fight the strongest urge to purge it (see this. Yeah, some of those old photos I was looking at are of me when I was super-skinny, and my heightened sense of self-hatred has blown that way out of proportion.

I hope these new mood stabilizers kick in quickly.

April 25th - 1:58 AM

Hey, what the fuck am I doing up at this hour of the night? Good question. Like a lot of people, my sleep schedule has turned into a mere suggestion of an idea in the past month. But also I'm on the upswing again towards Bullshit aka mania. I mean I slept until 3 PM yesterday (yikes) but I'm more concerned about how many ideas are flying through my head and how I feel like I have to entertain every single one while a million other thoughts are trying to bust down the door. I feel great. I feel smart and important, and that makes me uneasy. I have no idea how to do things in moderation. Maybe I'm just being too anxious. Maybe I'm just feeling Okay for once. but I'm worried.

April 23rd - 12:04 PM

I have once again abandoned this site for far too long, having been distracted by, well. Absolutely nothing. I've been watching Netflix the past couple days and that's about it. I feel terrible for leaving this site barely touched for so long, but have run short on inspiration. All the things I wanted to do with it have been lost.

Well, I did also finally get a digital drawing tablet in the interim, so maybe I can keep it alive by showing you all my shitty art. And also I'm gonna add a custom cursor. Keep an eye out for that.

April 15th, 2020 - 10:18 PM

Hm. Not only have I not posted on this website in forever, I completely forgot what I was doing with it, and also noticed how inconsistent I've been with its entire layout since the beginning. It doesn't matter. My life is in shambles. I sometimes get a premonition that I will be dead very soon and I really hope it's true.

I'm just as lost as everybody else, man. Here, have a link to a dumb thing I made: https://uquiz.com/9rpcrj. That's the limit of my creativity for the month.