I have a confession to make.
Well, maybe it's obvious from the everything about me.
I have been very open about this fact on this site and all of my social mediuhs. It's partly because of the mento illnes that I'm so open about it, though. Most of the many doctors I've seen seem to agree that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, formerly known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder.
What does that mean?
- It means I pretend to not care what you think of me, but I want you to like me all the time, so bad.
- It means sometimes I block my girlfriend on my phone because she wasn't paying enough attention to me.
- It means I never know who I am from moment to moment, my entire sense of identity and what I want to do with myself change from moment to moment.
- It means I never feel any emotion for more than 5 minutes.
- It means I want to kill myself every day. But then I don't. But then I do. But then I don't. But then I do.
- It means I feel everything more intensely than anybody does, or should. I don't get irritated, I get enraged. I don't feel sad, I feel despondent. I don't feel nervous, I panic. I don't feel excited, I'm bouncing off the walls.
- It means I overshare compulsively; see: every single page of Hell on the Web and all my social media accounts. No, I'm not any better in real life - I'm arguably worse.
- It means that nobody can ever take me seriously, least of all myself.