when I was about 14 years old, I had 4 other characters that I sort of roleplayed with in my head.

you might call them "imaginary friends," but their personalities were more symbolic to me than that.


Thea represented who I thought I "should" be, or what other people thought I "should" be. Note her gender and her name's similarity to my birth name. She was the most mature of the four, always extremely responsible, and what little motivation I had to do things like homework came from her. She dressed nicely but conservaatively, and in my head was very small in stature.


Lana was how I imagined other people saw me. She was also small, in terms of height and personality, but kind of chubby. Note once again her gender and similiarity to my birth name. She wore clothes of mine that were older, that I'd picked out when I was a very different person. She was incredibly quiet, and shy, and dorky. I didn't like her much at all, because she also represented a lot of things I hated about myself.


Nick was who I felt I was in secret. His job description was basically just Emo. Entirely about the painful feelings that I kept from other people and tried to bury.


jake was always my favorite of the bunch. He was cool, he was fun, he was funny, he barely had problems. He had some personality traits in common with the others, but only the ones I thought were best. He was, of course, the representation of who I wanted to be.

I chose the name "Jake" when I first came out, and then dropped it when I realized Jacob was the most popular boys' name the year I was born. But still, I hope I have lived up to that person. I think I mostly have. But with a lot of Nick and Lana mixed in.